Meow is a Pussy

It's easy to forget that not everyone has had the same experiences. Been to the same dark places and had the Abyss look back into them long and deep.

I went to Meow tonight. My friend Jason's band ANTLERGRAM were headlining a night of 3 bands. They wanted me to read some short stories in between sets/bands.

It was shaping up to be a good night. Some great musicians did their thing. I read a story, Pet Shop Boy which was well received. The crowd were relaxed, mature and I thought I'd try them on something a bit more fucked up. Okay a lot more fucked up. 

I read them the story that starts with this:

Fun fact. Serial killers often keep the bodies of their victims, stashing them in the freezer or fridge, or burying them in shallow graves, or under the house, so that they can check in on them, care for them, and observe their deterioration. It's as if they nurture them like children, or lovers.

It is not a long story. Under 1500 words. I got about half-way through it (to the "hole like a bellybutton" line). People were freaking out. Someone started screaming NO! NO! STOP! Then the owner of the place switched my mic off. He was completely freaked. It was him that was screaming. The audience was more stunned, shocked and bemused.

The irony is that this story was written in response to a request by Jason, who had invited me to read at this gig. So I left the stage. Leaving Jason and his band to soothe the ruffled feathers by saying, "I guess we found the limit."

I stayed, listened to their music (Antlergram are really good). Then I left. 

It's not their fault. It was a strong reminder that my creativity is shaped by my experiences. I'm influenced by some stuff that most people fortunately don't get to experience. I have no real interest in harming anyone. I just find it calming to direct my own inner shitstorm into extremes. The lesson learned is that we all have to keep our masks on at all times.

"Victims, aren't we all." ~ The Crow.

 
The story is below. You don't have to read it. But if you do, try not to freak the fuck out.

Fun fact. Serial killers often keep the bodies of their victims, stashing them in the freezer or fridge, or burying them in shallow graves, or under the house, so that they can check in on them, care for them, and observe their deterioration. It's as if they nurture them like children, or lovers.

Joshua likes to watch television and we often have to remind him that there are chores to be done before we can watch American Idol.

‘Those dishes won’t wash themselves young man,’ Nancy scolds.

We all chip in and the get the job done, then we make popcorn and drink sodas and laugh at the ugly little fucks screeching their sinful songs. Walter tells us about how he raped a girl that looked like that one when he was living in Memphis. I get hard

hearing him talk about how she screamed, the fear in her eyes and the way she begged him not to hurt her. Lucy says she knows Walter is lying, because he could never hurt a girl. He just wants to be friends. Walter is a friendly guy, he has big hands and they are perfect for holding a little girl’s hand. Holding it and leading her away from the crowds that are every where these days, especially on American Idol. We turn the sound off when the crowd screams because the noise upsets Theresa. She sits with my knees pressed against the sides of her head, keeping out the noise and once I pressed too hard, and her head broke and one of her eyeballs fell into the popcorn.

Of course I apologised and cleaned her up. I found a ping-pong ball in the basement, in a box with my old ping-pong set. One of the bats still has Mrs Henderson’s cat’s blood on it. I painted the ping-pong ball with Lucy’s nail polish, the blue one that makes her eyes pop. It wouldn’t fit in Theresa’s eye hole, so I cut the back off it and got the front bit in there and it looks great. Theresa has pretty eyes

now. I miss the English guy who used to judge American Idol. He wanted to fuck those little cunts. You could see it in his eyes when he told them they were a bunch of useless fucks. We Tivo all our television programs now and fast-forward through the breaks. Walter takes his cock out and plays with himself during the commercials otherwise.

After American Idol we watch movies, Lucy likes war films, if they have been good and the chores are done we sometimes watch our home movies. Theresa likes

the Christmas ones, where Walter has the Christmas lights that don’t work and he gets so fucking pissed off he strips the plastic off the wiring and plugs it into the wall.

Then he tortures the kitten with electric shocks until it shuts up. Theresa claps her hands and cheers, she likes the kitten movies.

After movies it’s time for bed, I tuck Lucy in first, she’s the youngest, and doesn’t like to sleep without a night light. I tell myself it’s naughty, but I sometimes, accidentally slide a hand up her nightie and touch her cunt. It has a hole in it that my fingers fit into. Once Walter came in and stuck his cock into her tiny hole, and his big fucking thing came right out her stomach. Just punched right through her and left a second hole, like a belly button. Now if I need to, I just fuck that hole. Cos’ it’s not fucking her cunt-parts so it’s not a sin.

Joshua next, He sleeps in the chair in my room. I put the knife in his hand and when I wake up in the night I can see it glinting in the moonlight and I know he will keep me safe. If Joshua is holding the knife then cunts aren’t getting cut.

Theresa wants me to touch her. She’s such a fucking slut. When it is time for bed she puts on her cheerleader uniform and dances with me. Walter would fuck her if I let him. He would fuck her ass and her face. He would punch holes in her with his cock until she was ugly again. I hold her gently and listen to her tell me she loves me.

I tell her that I love her too and can’t fuck her because then she would be a dirty slut and full of sin and Walter would break her perfect skin. I hear her crying when I slip out of the basement, whispering, “Nighty-night.”

Nancy doesn’t sleep. Her face throws shadows along the wall that nag and scold. I switch off the light and it shuts her up. The stretched skin of her face goes dark like disappointment and she’s just a lamp shade until morning.

Walter, he hates bed time. Says things to me like ‘We’re creatures of the fucking night man! We should be out there fucking cunts and making connections.’ Walter is big on connections. He wanted to connect with people by selling Amway. I don’t even understand half the shit he said when he showed up at my door. I invited him in because I could see the worms writhing on his tie. Big green, hairy fucking amoebas. After I shut him up by cutting his throat I looked up ties online. I found out that it’s called Paisley. Fucking amoeba fashion.

I burned the tie but it still haunts me. I’m glad Joshua is in my room at night. Holding the knife in case the green amoebas come slithering.

Now the house is silent, all my friends are resting, even Theresa has stopped crying. I lie in bed, alert to the creak of floor boards and listening to the slow breathing of Walter, Joshua, Theresa and Lucy as they sleep.

 

Cancer

My brother in law is having surgery today for cancer. My sister is an incredibly organised person (she's a project manager) so she issued this press statement to the family (complete with graphics and everything). I'm not including the graphics, if you want to know what a diagram of a tracheostomy looks like, google it.

What we knew already
 D has a cancerous tumour on the back of his tongue 2 centimetres in diameter
· His glands were swollen because of the tumour
· It is an aggressive cancer, without operating it can be fatal within twelve months. Removing
the tumour is the best chance of long term cure.
What we learned on Monday 26th March 2012
· The operation is expected to take 12 hours
· It will involve three teams
o          ENT Surgeons
o          Plastic Surgeons
o          Anaethetists


The Operation Steps
Step 1. Insert Trachestomy


Tracheostomy is the name of the equipment used to enable D to breathe during the operation and after the operation.

The surgeon has advised that the Tracheostomy may be D’s way of breathing for three weeks.
During this time D will not be able to speak or make sounds. This is because there is no air going past the vocal cords.

Step 2. Gain Access to Back of Tongue
A partial cut will be made at the front of D’s jaw bone.
A plate will be screwed to his jaw bone with locating holes so that after surgery he can be put back together and his teeth will align properly.
Then they remove the plate and finish the cut down his jaw bone.


Once the jaw is cut through it can be swung out of the way to get access to the back of the tongue.


When it is finished the jaw will be swung back and the plate will be screwed into to place to hold the jaw and teeth in alignment. Eventually the bone will grow together again.


Step 3. Remove Tumour and surrounding tissue
·The tumor is two centimetres in diameter but the MRI scan shows it is deeper than initially thought and it extends down to the hyoid bone just above the voice box
·a safety margin of extra tissue will be taken from around the tumour
·During the operation the surgeon will slice the tongue back and test each slice to make sure there is no cancer left
·After the tumour and associated tissue is removed there will be a big hole.
·This will effect D’s breathing, swallowing and speaking.
Tubes will be inserted into various areas around his neck to drain the lymph for the first few days.
Step 4. Reconstruction
Next a team of plastic surgeons will begin working on D.
They will remove from D’s left forearm a flap of skin containing a vein and an artery.
This flap of skin will be used to cover the hole created at the back of his tongue. The vein and the artery will be plumbed into a vein and artery in his cheek. The reason they do this is to ensure the flap of skin has a blood supply and remains living tissue.
A skin graft will be taken from D’s left thigh to repair the area on his forearm where the skin flap was removed.


Step 5. Removal of Lymph Nodes
When the plastic surgeons have finished the Ear Nose and Throat (ENT surgeons come back to remove all the lymph nodes in D’s neck on both sides. This will include the lymph nodes which have grown the lumps that brought his condition to our attention. The cancer is called Squamous Cell Carcinoma and has metastasized (i.e. spread) from the tumour on his tongue to his glands. Cancer can move through the body through the lymph system (nodes) so it is important to remove all of these so that there is no chance that the cancer will be able to establish elsewhere in his body. A diagram of lymph node locations is below. At this time the jugular vein on his right side will also be removed because of the proximity of the growth in the lymph node.

Post Operation Care
D will return to Ward -- and be in a single room with a dedicated nurse looking after him and monitoring his breathing etc.

The first 72 hours are crucial. During this time the surgeons will monitor the success of the skin graft to his tongue to ascertain if the circulation is working. If the flap of skin dies the procedure will need to be repeated. It has been recommended that D has no visitors during this time.

D will be fed via a tube through his nose to his stomach.

The surgeon has advised us to expect D to be in hospital for at least three weeks. Before he can go home he needs to be able to breathe and swallow.

Long Term Outcomes
As the flap of skin across the hole in his tongue has no feeling D will need to learn to swallow again.

Speech therapists will help him to learn to swallow and then in the months ahead help him to learn to speak. The surgeon is confident that he will learn to speak again but has advised that he will not sound the same and may have some slurring.

The removal of the lymph nodes in his neck means he will have stiffness in his neck and weakness in his arms when it comes to lifting type actions.

The impact of the physical changes that D is going to experience will take time for him to come to terms with. He may not be fit enough to return to work and pass his Maritime Medical. His independence may be affected (e.g. driving) depending on the impact of the neck stiffness.

27/03/2012 5:46:13 p.m.

This is her way of coping. D is her second husband. She lost her first husband to Leukemia.

Subject of Scholarly Research

This is a book report written by Cameron Barnes (of Alloa, Scotland) Age 14

Tankbread
By Paul Mannering

The front cover of this book is well designed. It has a green background and what looks like bubbles of chemicals and a DNA helix at the front. Then at the top you have the title TANKBREAD in bold letters. The cover makes me want to read as the author has thought about the colours and the detail very well and made it look fantastic. The blurb tells us that the book is set in a post-apocalyptic world where zombies wreak havoc. It also tells us about an outlaw courier and a cloned woman called Else and their desperate quest across the wasteland of Australia.
The blurb gives you a good image of what the book will be like and pulled me into reading it. The first chapter tells us where The Courier is and what he’s doing. It also tells us that there are two kinds of zombies. There are Zombies that are more intelligent and can talk and ones that are more typical shamblers. The first chapter gives us an insight into the mind of Mannering. It’s dark and gruesome in here! The first chapter want me want to read more as it sounds like a thrill ride.

Tales From The Bell Club

Tales From The Bell Club, published by Knightwatch Press. Edited by Paul Mannering.

Including stories from some fantastic authors from New Zealand, Australia and around the world.

“Welcome to the Bell Club,” he said. 

“Commiserations on your membership.” 

~ Helen Stubbs, Sayuri’s Revenge

Table of Contents:

The Kiss - Jason Nahrung

The Adventure of the Laboratory - Kathleen Dale

The Quarantine Station - Lee Clark Zumpe

A Gentleman's Folly - Phil Hickes

The Widow Dotridge - Douglas J. Moore

Sayuri’s Revenge - Helen Stubbs

Divine Providence - Robert J. Santa

Tell Tom Tildrum - Edward M. Erdelac

Fluke - Lynne Jamneck

Spawn Of The Crocodile God - John McNee

Life and Limb - Andrew Freudenberg

The Girl In The Cabin - Richard Barnes

The Wager - Jeff C. Carter

The Shrieking Woman - Doug Manllen